So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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