Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
