I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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