I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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