Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
