I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
