last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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