He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
