I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
