You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
