She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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