I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Randomize
