maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
