i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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