Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
