I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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