Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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