About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
