Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
