hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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