Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Randomize