woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
