He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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