Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
