they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I looked at my own cervix.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
