why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
