I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
