the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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