trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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