so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
