Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
