You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
My life is pants optional.
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