if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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