This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
