I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
the condom got lost in my hair
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
