I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
This house was built for laser tag.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
