this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
