I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
