Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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