i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
