Tell her she can't have a vagina
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
