I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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