for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize