Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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