We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
