where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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