yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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