Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize