Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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