No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize