Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
