no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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