i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
