You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Randomize
