she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
