She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
