The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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