Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
