He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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