I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
