he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
