Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
