You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
