i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
