you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
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