Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
