I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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