he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
