I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
