ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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