How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
