If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
