1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
